18. July 2007 | Show Originial
While I'd have loved to been part of the media circus that was your arrival at the LAX Airport, I was disappointingly stranded in Virginia merely musing over your coming to America and what it could possibly mean to us. Let me first say congratulations on your reunion with the other Spices. Your undying and unfettered devotion to pop music is a beacon in the industry! (Britney, take notes.) Congratulations are also in order on the success of your reality TV show. You bagged a guest appearance from Perez Hilton?! Really?! What was he like? Is his hair really that awful???

It would seem that you and your hubby can do no wrong, VB. Can I call you VB? Let's be friends. Surely you need more diversity in your life other than TomKat. Becks has all of the LA Galaxy to play with! I graciously offer you my company, VB.

As your new American friend, Posh, I have some advice for you.

First, it was refreshing to listen to your interview on the Morning Mix with Tony Zazza. You've proven your vocal talents time and time again with such hits as "2 Become 1," "Goodbye," and "Wannabe" ... but your spot on impression of Donald Duck will truly send you racing into the hearts of Americans everywhere. Who is more American than Donald Duck? This does, however, lead me to a very serious issue we need to discuss. You don't smile much, do you? Having befriended quite a few Brits before you, I know all too well of your dry humor, your cynicism and even your love for strange foods ... but you're a Californian now! I know that you're trying -- we've all seen the photos! But, Americans want to see confidence from the wife of Becks, not just hear it! If necessary, we can arrange smiling lessons from TomKat, who never fail to disappoint their freaked-out public with forced smiles.

Second, it is fantastic that you have been networking so well and you've only been here for a few short days! Seriously, kudos on your partnership with Perez Hilton. There is no bigger name in gossip blogging than the Orange Paris. He's taken stabs at everyone, from Lindsay Lohan to Val Kilmer, but seems to love you all the same. I'm sure it has nothing to do with your husband. (Again, Lindsay, take notes as Posh can teach you a thing or two!) It is great to see you putting yourself out there, really offering everything you have to America. All of your new-found friends will surely help you boost sales for your jeans, fragrances and what have you. But what if they don't? Your husband was recently seen bouncing to and from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf before practices. Should your penchant for fashion not work out too well in America, keep in mind that networking starts from the ground up, especially in America where the public is so fickle with its celebrity crushes. I'm quite sure that with the right resume, the perfect smile, and just the right amount of California cutesy, we could land you a hourly job at Becks' favorite recharge station. (Or any of the thousands of jobs offered on www.EmploymentGuide.com!)

Third, many tabloids have been critical of your almost clinical obsession with fashion. They're quite right, of course. Americans are hell-bent on appearance. You've often said that one of your heroes is Olivia Newton John when she was in "Grease." This, however, doesn't mean you need to wear the leggings like she does! You've bagged the boy already! You should be focusing on your career and winning the hearts of my American friends. This may mean you'll need to dress a little more relaxed. Think of your flirtation with the American public as an interview. You want to put your best foot forward, and while I admire your attempt at cute with the wedge heel trainers you wore while pitching the first ball at that baseball game, perhaps a more classic flat would have been better? We've been following your life for years, but know very little of you except for what we've seen! You love Audrey Hepburn, right? She's perfect. In fact, if you marched into my office (that is, if I had an office) and you looked like Audrey, I'd hire you on the spot, or buy whatever it is that you're selling! She was always very elegant -- dark colors, flattering (not overly revealing) dresses, very kempt hair, the perfect amount of makeup. (This goes for you as well, Britney and Lindsay.)

I say these things not out of spite, but out of love, VB. Daily, The Employment Guide offers up thousands of hourly jobs and advice to people searching for the very things you are -- prosperity, acceptance, The American Dream! The same advice that will make our clients successful in the job market is the same advice that will make you successful in our backyard!

Be confident! Smile often! Make contacts and friends wherever you go! Dress to win the hearts of America (or your prospective boss at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf)! Of course, I wish only success to you as your TV show plods along, your fashion line debuts and your husband reinvents American Soccer. But do keep in mind that I'm here should you need me, at The Employment Guide, your guide to hourly jobs nationwide!

Your Pal, Christopher

17. July 2007 | Show Originial
Wow ... soccer fans in America finally have something to cheer about: International soccer superstar, David Beckham, is coming to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy this coming MLS season! Well now that I have the attention of all ten soccer fans in the U.S., let's look at what this entails. Beckham and his wife are not exactly normal. After all, David and wife, former Spice Girl Victoria "Posh" Adams, are not just any couple, but a Supercouple! This Supercouple standing has earned them a primetime deal with NBC called "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America." With all the hype about David Beckham moving across the globe to make the jump from European soccer to American soccer, there has been much talk about how the Beckham's can/should change in order to fit into the American way of life.

I have a little bone to pick with those who think that the Beckham's should change when they come to America. After all, the LA Galaxy is bringing Beckham here so that he can make US better, not the other way around. Let's also not forget that the tandem has been doing quite well just the way they were, with Victoria's book, music, and fashion career being very successful enterprises in addition to David's soccer career.

This all brings me to the point I'd like to make today. When starting a new job, don't change who you are. You obviously got the job based on one or more outstanding attributes that your boss thought would be an asset to the company. This doesn't necessarily have to be a skill but could be a personality trait. Let's say for example you are quite the outgoing and humorous person, a regular Kramer, before the politically incorrect rant of course. You walk in the first day and you could swear that you were working with all of Ben Stein's relatives because you are the oddball with a smile and a cheery "Hello!" to be seen or heard throughout the cubicles. Take advantage of this and don't be afraid to be yourself. You have the opportunity to offer something that every company needs: character! If you aren't accepted by everyone for who you are, chances are this work environment isn't for you anyway. All in all, don't be afraid to embrace your strengths and share them when needed.

09. July 2007 | Show Originial
Back when modern rock music was just politely asking to hold our hands, five young mop-tops from across the pond did just that and thus began what would be known as the British Invasion. The Beatles didn't just hold our hands, though; they did their best to scratch our heads, expand our minds, destroy The Beach Boys' wonderfully sunny hold on American pop music, and most importantly, move our feet. Their effect was so far-reaching that they changed the face of modern music as we know it today -- whether you love them or hate them, even Brian Wilson has to give props. His masterpiece, "Pet Sounds," never would have been had The Beatles not challenged him so much to put out something that would make America more American and less British.

But today, there's a new British invasion, and it's on the big screen. Three teenagers, all hailing from the Queen's land, are gripping our nation in suspense and wonderment as we flock by the millions to catch up on The Boy Who Lived. I'm talking, of course, about Harry Potter. July is Harry Potter Mania Month, as the fifth book in the series, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," hits movie theaters globally this week, and the seventh in the series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," will later this month finally reveal if the world's favorite boy wizard will live or die in his battle against the most venomous Lord Voldemort. Okay, so I'm a nerd.

But who's not these days? J.K. Rowling's seven-part coming of age story is one of the best-selling stories of all time, making a previously unknown mom into one of the world's most known (and revered) storytellers. So great is the demand for all things Potter that bookstores and theaters open at midnight to release the movies and books, with people lining up around the block to be the first to witness all of the magic. Even the iPhone can't compete with the Potter franchise.

So what makes Rowling so incredibly successful? Besides her incredible talent as a writer and her knack for suspense, Rowling is able to connect with her readers in a way that reminds us what it is like to be a child, and to grow up. Her books satisfy children's lust for adventure, and adults lust for substance and meaning. Children want to fight the good fight, and I think we can all admit as adults that things were so much more fun in school.

This brings me to this week's topic: learning. We become so enveloped in Potter's world because we're taken on an all-expense paid trip through Hogwart's. We learn his spells, his potions, his defenses and his grievances. It's like being back in school again, and I don't know about you, but that's awfully enticing at times. Being in school is busy, it's romantic, and it's why we all thirst for the summer; and then when we're all dehydrated from heat, we wish for the fall. From the time we step foot into our first grade school, our minds are trained for that schedule.

As the working environment becomes ever more competitive, it's important to stay one step ahead of your competition, not just keep up. An education is key to making your success that much more lucrative. Even if you're in a strictly trade industry, there are almost always classes being offered at your local university or college that can improve upon your skill set to keep you in high demand. Harry wants to be an auror, so he takes the necessary courses to prime him for that position, even though he so hates Potions class with Professor Snape. Perhaps you're a mechanic, so you take a class on automotive engineering. Or maybe you're an artist, so you take a few courses on drawing. If you're a writer, I'd almost say skip going to school and just hunt down Rowling. She's got the market cornered, and could teach even Tolkien a thing or two.

So as Harry, Ron and Hermione move closer to their final battle, take the plunge and sign up for your very own Potions class (or maybe just a cooking class will do). Snape can teach you how to bottle fame, put a stopper on death and even give you luck, but you're the only person who can take charge of your career and do something to further it. Though, having a bit of Felix Felicis probably wouldn't hurt, either.

In the mean time, I've gotta go stand in line at AMC!

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