It would seem that you and your hubby can do no wrong, VB. Can I call you VB? Let's be friends. Surely you need more diversity in your life other than TomKat. Becks has all of the LA Galaxy to play with! I graciously offer you my company, VB.
As your new American friend, Posh, I have some advice for you.
First, it was refreshing to listen to your interview on the Morning Mix with Tony Zazza. You've proven your vocal talents time and time again with such hits as "2 Become 1," "Goodbye," and "Wannabe" ... but your spot on impression of Donald Duck will truly send you racing into the hearts of Americans everywhere. Who is more American than Donald Duck? This does, however, lead me to a very serious issue we need to discuss. You don't smile much, do you? Having befriended quite a few Brits before you, I know all too well of your dry humor, your cynicism and even your love for strange foods ... but you're a Californian now! I know that you're trying -- we've all seen the photos! But, Americans want to see confidence from the wife of Becks, not just hear it! If necessary, we can arrange smiling lessons from TomKat, who never fail to disappoint their freaked-out public with forced smiles.
Second, it is fantastic that you have been networking so well and you've only been here for a few short days! Seriously, kudos on your partnership with Perez Hilton. There is no bigger name in gossip blogging than the Orange Paris. He's taken stabs at everyone, from Lindsay Lohan to Val Kilmer, but seems to love you all the same. I'm sure it has nothing to do with your husband. (Again, Lindsay, take notes as Posh can teach you a thing or two!) It is great to see you putting yourself out there, really offering everything you have to America. All of your new-found friends will surely help you boost sales for your jeans, fragrances and what have you. But what if they don't? Your husband was recently seen bouncing to and from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf before practices. Should your penchant for fashion not work out too well in America, keep in mind that networking starts from the ground up, especially in America where the public is so fickle with its celebrity crushes. I'm quite sure that with the right resume, the perfect smile, and just the right amount of California cutesy, we could land you a hourly job at Becks' favorite recharge station. (Or any of the thousands of jobs offered on www.EmploymentGuide.com!)
Third, many tabloids have been critical of your almost clinical obsession with fashion. They're quite right, of course. Americans are hell-bent on appearance. You've often said that one of your heroes is Olivia Newton John when she was in "Grease." This, however, doesn't mean you need to wear the leggings like she does! You've bagged the boy already! You should be focusing on your career and winning the hearts of my American friends. This may mean you'll need to dress a little more relaxed. Think of your flirtation with the American public as an interview. You want to put your best foot forward, and while I admire your attempt at cute with the wedge heel trainers you wore while pitching the first ball at that baseball game, perhaps a more classic flat would have been better? We've been following your life for years, but know very little of you except for what we've seen! You love Audrey Hepburn, right? She's perfect. In fact, if you marched into my office (that is, if I had an office) and you looked like Audrey, I'd hire you on the spot, or buy whatever it is that you're selling! She was always very elegant -- dark colors, flattering (not overly revealing) dresses, very kempt hair, the perfect amount of makeup. (This goes for you as well, Britney and Lindsay.)
I say these things not out of spite, but out of love, VB. Daily, The Employment Guide offers up thousands of hourly jobs and advice to people searching for the very things you are -- prosperity, acceptance, The American Dream! The same advice that will make our clients successful in the job market is the same advice that will make you successful in our backyard!
Be confident! Smile often! Make contacts and friends wherever you go! Dress to win the hearts of America (or your prospective boss at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf)! Of course, I wish only success to you as your TV show plods along, your fashion line debuts and your husband reinvents American Soccer. But do keep in mind that I'm here should you need me, at The Employment Guide, your guide to hourly jobs nationwide!
Your Pal, Christopher